I’ve dated my husband for 5 years but only traditionally married for 5 months. For most of our relationship we have had financial difficulty but always manage to keep our head above water.
I’m pregnant and have gestational diabetes meaning sometimes i get very weak so I’ve been unable to work properly, I am also a final year nursing student.
The truth is 80% of the time it’s me that bail us out of bad financial crises, my husband has not been able to keep a stable job for as long as I’ve known him and when he gets his fast money he lavishes it, he doesn’t think of the home rather he thinks of clubbing, drinking etc.
I never look into his pockets as i think its rude to count people’s money but the minute he swindles his money away he starts to count my money to fund his things such as petrol, club, hosting his family coming from Nigeria.
And he has 5 sisters, his young ones are very ill mannered don’t do house work or even say good morning. They all take turns throughout the year to come to my house and spend 2 weeks to one month Including his mother though i can’t complain about her because she’s his mother even if she was the worst i can manage her.
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None of the above has really bothered me until i came to the realization that I’m going to be a mother in less than 18 weeks and i have someone else to care for that is more important. I’m starting to think this man doesn’t really love me because when i was terribly sick before finding out about my low iron and diabetes I couldn’t get out of bed but he never checked on me instead he would spend all evening and night out with friends and all day sleeping, watching tv and looking for quick money.
I decided to return to my parents and have been here for 2+ months. I am properly looked after and it’s only 20 minutes away, my so called husband never calls to check on me, he has only initiated phone calls twice and he’s asked me for money both times for one thing or another. He has never called my parents to greet them or thank them, it’s like he abandoned his responsibility, he openly tells me not to come back because he can’t cope with my illnesses.
He’s very dismissive and uncaring but he is also like that with his own family. He never calls them. They’re always begging him to call them or i beg him to at least call his mum. I always blame his upbringing because he grew up very entitled with everything handed to him, he doesnt know the value of hard work.
Now we’re in a major financial crises because he decided to leave his job. We can’t pay the house rent and i have no way of bailing us out because i haven’t been active at work due to sickness. I have been looking for a way out but he can’t even hold a conversation with me about it. The minute i say something about our current finances, he starts threatening me to switch off the phone and raises his voice (i equally raise mine I’m not innocent because I’ve had enough) I’m so fed up of him and even the marriage. I don’t see how he can ever grow up and i feel like i’m dragging a dead horse.
Whenever there’s crises he becomes very mean and he can’t cope, I’m always the strong one and have to find money just so he can be nice to me, which sounds pathetic. He comes from a very good home but blames all his emotional problems on not having his dad in his life but i am not excited to see the kind of dad he will be for his own child.
I feel like i made a mistake marrying him. I have been as supportive as i can be, i dont rub things in his face, i always try and maintain a happy home but I’ve had enough! How do you fix a situation where you don’t respect your husband anymore? I don’t believe he deserves my respect apart from him being a financial burden, he’s also a serial womanizer i just got tired of doing csi so i turn the other way.
I am so fed up and spiraling into depression the disappointment to both of our families will be huge I’ve never imagined having a child in a broken home. If this is worth fixing I don’t know where to start because my heart is resenting him.
How do I explain to people that I am leaving my husband of only 5 months?!!!